Feel free to ignore me. This should be brief.
Sometimes the noise in my head is too much. I don't question myself all that much - not because I think I'm all that and a bag of chips - but really - if I screw something up... I can usually fix it. Or, well, chalk it up to lessons learned or whatever. I'm not a worrier, or an "oh woe is me" girl.
But, I'm sorta bummed out. Big project at work fell through. And day 1 - I was bummed about not getting it, but ok with it. Day 2 - I start wondering, if someone else had done it, would we have lost it. Was it something I could have done better, didn't do at all, or should have just done differently.
I hate this. I really really hate this.
So, the noise in my head is loud, and I don't like the voices up there much right at the moment. They aren't nice and make me want to sit in a dark room and eat chocolate, and chocolate ice cream, and drink something.
Please continue with your regularly scheduled lives - the pity party will conclude as soon as I shut the noise down in my head. It just may take a bit.
I wonder what day 3 will be like...
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Re-invention
is there such a thing? Can I re-invent myself? Because I think I have, or am, or am trying to. Not in the "fun and exciting zone" (read previous blogs to understand) changes, but just, a good tweak to the dark and twisty one. (me).
First - I'm actually trying to pay attention to things like skin care. I am for the first time ever perpetually wearing moisturizer, except when I forget. I am wearing makeup (well, ok, eye liner and eye shadow) on a daily basis. I am letting my hair grow, and am not getting the "easy" hair cuts anymore. I used to go to the salon, tell the wonderful and talented hair chicky "I don't want to spend more than 5 minutes on my hair" and she did the best she could. Now... as it hangs a good few inches below my shoulders for the first time in, oh, 20 years or more, I flat iron it every day. I purposefully am spending time making sure I look, umm, well, polished? Is that the right word? I am trying - making a valient effort to not just wear black and white. They were my safe colors. I have a whole closet of nothing but black and white.
Why you ask? Well, really, you didn't, but guess what, it's my blog I'll tell you anyway. I think I'm growing up. I know I know, I'm way past growing up. But, I think, I came to a point where I realize, I don't have a "job" anymore. I have a career. And I LIKE IT! And, I'm fairly good at it. And, I need to start looking professional, and polished, and, well, like a grown up.
I'm paying attention to accessories, shoes, purses, jewelry - and trying to "complete" my look every day. This has been a slow process - one that I'm trying to ease myself into little by little.
Oh, and I'm also becoming even more of a tech junkie. I bought myself a Motorola Zoom tablet. Why? Because I think it's cool. And, because, well, I want one. So, I bought one. Ta-da.
Ok, re-invented, totally tech geek me. With the pretty hair. And the big purse (oh please help me) and the jewelry, and the whatever else I really should be doing to make myself look like a grownup.
Because when I look in the mirror, I still think I should be like, 20, or 16. not that I look that young - just I have a hard time thinking of myself as a grown up. When did I become a grown up career woman? Pfft.
First - I'm actually trying to pay attention to things like skin care. I am for the first time ever perpetually wearing moisturizer, except when I forget. I am wearing makeup (well, ok, eye liner and eye shadow) on a daily basis. I am letting my hair grow, and am not getting the "easy" hair cuts anymore. I used to go to the salon, tell the wonderful and talented hair chicky "I don't want to spend more than 5 minutes on my hair" and she did the best she could. Now... as it hangs a good few inches below my shoulders for the first time in, oh, 20 years or more, I flat iron it every day. I purposefully am spending time making sure I look, umm, well, polished? Is that the right word? I am trying - making a valient effort to not just wear black and white. They were my safe colors. I have a whole closet of nothing but black and white.
Why you ask? Well, really, you didn't, but guess what, it's my blog I'll tell you anyway. I think I'm growing up. I know I know, I'm way past growing up. But, I think, I came to a point where I realize, I don't have a "job" anymore. I have a career. And I LIKE IT! And, I'm fairly good at it. And, I need to start looking professional, and polished, and, well, like a grown up.
I'm paying attention to accessories, shoes, purses, jewelry - and trying to "complete" my look every day. This has been a slow process - one that I'm trying to ease myself into little by little.
Oh, and I'm also becoming even more of a tech junkie. I bought myself a Motorola Zoom tablet. Why? Because I think it's cool. And, because, well, I want one. So, I bought one. Ta-da.
Ok, re-invented, totally tech geek me. With the pretty hair. And the big purse (oh please help me) and the jewelry, and the whatever else I really should be doing to make myself look like a grownup.
Because when I look in the mirror, I still think I should be like, 20, or 16. not that I look that young - just I have a hard time thinking of myself as a grown up. When did I become a grown up career woman? Pfft.