This seems to be the foremost thought in my poor little brain these days. I am so very ambitious, I want more. But, there are times ambition is diametrically opposed to comfort. If I follow my ambition, I'm going to be stepping way outside of my comfort level. And, am I confusing simple comfort for loyalty. Am I too scared to take that leap, BC someone might finally see I'm a fraud? The chances of someone seeing through me as long as I stay in my comfort zone are slim to none. I'm safe here. But, I'll never be any more if I stay safe. Is that OK? Am I enough? Am I happy enough? Do I need more? Or does wanting more just mean I'm frustrated? And yes, I'm frustrated. I'm angry. I'm tired of injustice.
Don't tell me life isn't fair. I know its not, and justice doesn't always prevail. But, do I stay in a never going to be just or fair place for the sake of comfort?
And loyalty.... what of loyalty? Is loyalty simply a matter of being honest? Or is it giving up some amount of ambition and frustration and anger at injustice?
And... also been thinking about ambition as a woman... why are ambitious women bitches? Or uncaring? Why can't I use every tool in my arsenal to my advantage... the same way a man would. Why am I wrong for using my southern girl charms to my advantage? Why am I wrong for being proud of being a young (ish), smart (ish), maybe not pretty, but I'll go with interesting female.
Well, I'm not going to solve any problems tonight... maybe I'll sleep on it.
